game over.

and you win.

its nearly the end of the year now. and, a lot of things are ending with that. i've learnt this year, that you don't get to choose. when somebody changes. when somebody dies. when somebody leaves. when you fall in love. you never see it coming. and you never see it ending. but it all does. everything and everyone has they're time. this year will end, and so will we. i spent a lot of time over analyzing everything. putting things in order and thinking them through. so, for once, while i still have the chance, im gonna write down my thought's in no order, in no sense. chaos. as they come. because i choose to.

i see smoke swirls, twisting and dancing they're way amongst the fabric in the bedroom as they make they're way through the air from the window.
i see restless night's with fingers tracing patterns on the slightly textured ceiling.
i see late rises, where the duvet's moulded in just the right way and your content in the drowsy state.
i see, the leaves rustling in the tree's, melodically. they always play the same thing.
i hear goo goo dolls and see fireflies flashing.
i see worn out buttons on the phone, and creaky floorboards.
the smell of fresh letters and the hum of a car engine.
i see sidelines.

i see mistakes. and i see life.
this year's held, more mistakes than i hope i will ever encounter again in my life. but it taught me what its like to breathe. to really breathe. i met and knew someone who will change my life forever now.

nobody will ever be allowed that close again.
this blog will be deleted in a few days time. this is my last post. one of the things that is ending.
talking of which.
i love you.
you win.

happy new year.